relationship – Love & Intimacy 101

Your Steps Matter!

It Was Just Us......

Many of you have been rocking with me for quite some time and you know a little about my back story. For those who are not too familiar with it, here's a quick synopsis.

There I was, 17 years old, away from home, living the college life! Free to do WHATEVER I WANTED! With no direction from home, no one to hold my hand at school and no true plan, I was set up to fail. Within three semesters at VSU I became a full blown statistic. I met a guy that, I guess, filled a void in the first semester, moved off campus and in with him by the second semester and pregnant by the third.

To read more about this story, click "Read More".

They Deserved Better!

I realized that the road that I was traveling was exactly what I ran from when I was 17 years old. I became what I saw; 20 years old with two children (both girls). It was up to me to ensure that my girls NEVER felt "trapped" in their own home based on the life I was choosing for them, so I had to grow up and alter my steps! I had to learn how to maneuver around having three felonies on my background and land a better paying job. I had to realize that the father of these girls didn't "owe" me (or them) anything and I had to focus on us. I had to buckle down and turn my goal of getting out of section 8 housing into a reality; of our first home with a backyard to play in. I had to get back into school and complete my education. And that is what I did because they, knew, WE deserved better.

Read the full article HERE

Adulting SUCKS!

He's knocked out, I'm glowing.....

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Sitting in the house on a quiet Monday morning; children are doing their distant learning thing, husband is a work and I am getting myself prepared to get my day started. Suddenly, I hear “gurgle, gurgle” then silence. So, I think nothing about it and carry on about my day. A little later I head to the bathroom and notice the tub has, what looks like, a sewage back up and the toilets were really low with murky water. This was around 4pm and I immediately panicked! I knew that the city was doing a lot of underground construction in my neighborhood, so I jumped on the phone and gave them a call. It was deemed an “emergency” and they would get to me “right away”. Well, the next afternoon (Tuesday) someone showed up “right away” from the city. At this time, they let me know that their main line was backed up and that they needed to “blow it out”. Sweet right! NNNOOTTTTTT! By later that evening, we were now not able to flush the toilets at all and when the washing machine drained, it flooded the toilets and came up through the floor.

Whatever this “fix” was DID NOT WORK and in fact, made it worse. Back on the phone with the city to report now I have an overflow of sewage in my house and I needed them back out asap! Knowing what the city’s, “we’ll be right out” meant, I started my search for an emergency plumber. Thanks to some amazing people, I found one and he was ready to show up that night! He and his assistant worked well into the night and while they got it so we would take a quick shower and flush one toilet, they needed to come back. We learned that there were two routes that would resolve the backup, 1. Snake the pipe from the roof, and if that did not work, 2. Dig up the front yard and see if a pipe had collapsed. The latter added an additional $ on the already $$ price tag, so my anxiety went through the roof!

The plumber and his assistant showed up the next day (Wednesday) ready for action and I was back in my “uh oh” mode. I listened as they were working diligently on the roof and about 2 hours later, everything on the roof was silent. As they came down, I took a few soothing deep breaths and braced myself for it, and he said “Well, it’s all done”. I let out a huge sigh of relief, WHEW! Thank you! We now had the whole house backup resolved; both toilets flushing, no back up in the shower and washing machine draining where it should. This called for a celebration and release of pinned up tension/anxiety. Oh but, however should I celebrate?

“Hey baby, meet me in the shower”.

Shower time for me and my husband has always been a peaceful place. We talk, share, laugh and so much more during our shower time. This is something that we have done for well over 15 years and make it a point to do it as much as possible in lieu of actual date nights out for now. This particular shower time was so necessary. I was so tense for the past 2.5 days that my eyes were ready to bulge out of my head. During this shower time, it was time to celebrate by releasing this tension and that is exactly what happened. Not only were we able to talk it through and share meaningful embraces, but we also experienced each other in a way that sent all anxious energy down this newly flowing drains.

See full article HERE

Let Lori Live

Pandemic Relationship

How are things in your relationship?

There are so many articles out about how the pandemic is causing relationships to end. When I think about what's happening in households across the world I cannot help but to be a little saddened. Most times when a relationship comes to a conclusion point, I wonder what could have helped? When I think about the rise in breakups and divorces since the pandemic, I think about what could/should have been in place, prior to, could have avoided the split.

When coaching couples, I ask them for the three things of importance in their relationship. The reason I ask this is so that I have an idea of if they are on the same page for (re)building their foundation. The foundation of any relationship is typically being built within the first 7 years of coming together. What you and your partner pour into your foundational cement will determine how firm it stands as you build a life on it, as time passes (normal wear and tear) and as storms come about. If your combined mixture isn't properly balanced, as time goes on and storms hit, it'll begin to crack. Now.....a crack doesn't mean throw the whole thing away, it just means you both need to make a small batch and properly repair it.

What is in your cement?

So what do I mean when I talk about your foundational cement? I'm talking about what you and your partner are building your relationship on; morals, principles, beliefs, wants, needs, desires, etc.. Having some commonalties helps to produce a strong, balanced foundational bond. Think about real cement, if you add too much water, it won't set properly, it be too pliable and extremely thin. If you don't add enough water, the cement will be too firm and rigid which leads to cracks forming easily and early on. When there is a proportionate/balanced amount of water added, the cement settles correctly, will be less likely to crack and firms to withhold whatever's going to be built upon it.

When you and your partner enter into a relationship, you each bring your three ingredients (items of importance), if all are completely different, you are more likely to have a thinned out foundation. If they are all the same, you may end up with a rigid, overly firm foundation. If you share one or two, you will be able to create a good balance! You must also understand that over time, you will need to make small batches to fill in any cracks that form; this may be the case every 10-15 years or so. There is no way that what was important to you when you were 21 is the same as when you are 45 and the same for your partner. Meaning, you must continue keeping the maintenance up on your relationship just as you would your house or car.

Read the full article here